Updates: Daycare experience, Couples Retreat

Well let's talk about October 7th. That day was one of the hardest days I have ever had as a mother. I knew it would be rough, but wasn't sure what to expect I guess. It was Sophie's first day of daycare. We have been looking on and off for a long time (over a year) and I have looked at several daycares and just haven't felt right about it. My mom babysits when we work but sometimes I feel like we are relying on her too much and thought that Sophie could use the social experience of doing daycare once a week. Since I work every other weekend and Kale is home then, really we just need someone about 6 week-days per month. We were accepted into the daycare at my work after being on the waiting list for a while but it is SOOOO expensive! So I ran across a daycare out here right near our house. It is out of a lady's home. Her and another gal run the daycare and it seemed really great. It was clean and updated, in the basement of her hours, and they seemed like they really knew what they were doing! All the kids there were normal-looking kids, ha. The price was fair and it was great to be just minutes away from our house. We decided we would take her there once a week and my mom could babysit the day we needed once every other week.

I worked, so Kale got Sophie up and got her dressed, fed her, and headed to the daycare. I had gotten everything ready and laid out clothes and breakfast. He had been feeling anxious and emotional about it and was super worried about how it would go, especially the 'drop-off.' The plan was that Kale would go in with Sophie and start to play and get her distracted so she felt comfortable then sneak out. That usually works for us with nursery. We expected for her to be sad and cry but were hoping it would be busy and fun and she would make it through the day. That plan was crushed. The lady, we'll call her T, said that despite Kale's concerns, 'it's the best way to do it' and grabbed Sophie from Kale and told him he should leave. Of course, her personality is to cry and be scared. She still has some major stranger danger. Kale said she was just grabbing for him and trying to squirm and that she was hysterical. He had to leave and head to work. Being at work was hard for both of us. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to call for an update. Luckily I talked to the apparently nicer, younger lady, we'll call her K. K said that you were pretty fussy even still and that you were having a hard time but that it would be ok. At the time I could hear you crying in the background. Another nurse came in early for me, as I had planned for there being a possibility you wouldn't last. I tried to think rational and decided to run an errand hoping that would give you more time to acclimate and I hoped things would be better. I was feeling anxious and sick to my stomach the entire time I ran errands and pretty much sped home after to get you.

I walked in to a young teen downstairs in the daycare with all the kids. She said to wait right there and I heard her go get K. K came down and said Sophie was sleeping on the couch. I looked down at her on the couch and she had wet, swollen eyes. They were red and her eyelashes were soaked and clumped together. I could see the tears pooled in your eyes while she was laying there asleep even, and there was dried snot all around her nose and mouth. I was devastated. She said that she pretty much cried all day. She said Sophie wouldn't let any kids get around her and when they would she would start crying again and it would take 15 minutes + to calm back down. She said that she wouldn't eat or drink a thing. They finally got her to take a few pieces of bread that T had to 'hand feed' her.. She said T held her most of the day and Sophs finally fell asleep on T's lap. That makes me feel sad because T seems like she is all business and I hate imagining her being passive aggressive with an attitude like "well I'll show you" or something to Sophie. Maybe she was kind and loving, I'll never know, I just have the feeling that she probably isn't... K said that they tried putting her down for a nap because she seemed so exhausted but that Sophie wouldn't even lay down, even with the bottle that they forbad you to have initially. (Sometimes Sophie has a bottle for comfort and they said no but I packed one anyway). They said she finally fell asleep on the couch so they just left her there and that you had been asleep about 45 minutes. I picked you up and you woke up and hugged me and laid on my shoulder. I apologized to K because I knew it must have been hard for them too. She said the only time Sophie stopped crying was when they put her in the highchair alone in the kitchen.

I took Sophie home and gave you a big hug and kiss. I felt so bad to see her sweet face so sad. Her diaper was soaked and her lip was bleeding inside so I don't know if she got bumped or just bit her lip. Her little eyes were red and bloodshot and almost swollen to shut. It makes me feel horrible to even re-live how I felt. Sophie was so glad to be home that day.

Earlier in the year I got a groupon for the CLAS Ropes Course Couple Retreat. We redeemed that this month. It was a lot of fun. It was Sophie's first time with a babysitter from our neighborhood and since she had quite an ordeal the day before at daycare, we were super worried. The babysitter came over and we were able to sneak out. We headed to Provo. We got there and were excited for all the fun activities.

Our group got to do this big swing. It was fun. I almost didn't do it because I am terrified, more than a normal phobia, of heights. I agreed to do it but only went up halfway. It was still fun and I was glad I went on it. Kale loved it. He was trying to flip but couldn't quite make it over.

Next our group tried this other activity that you have to walk on a tightrope and use each other to balance and see how far you get. I thought we'd get far since we have long arms, ha, but we didn't do that great. That was probably my favorite activity of the day and I really wished we could have had more time to try it. Next was rock climbing. It was a 40 foot wall. It was scary looking. Kale didn't really have a desire to try it but I talked him into it. He did really good and almost got to the top.

Next it was my turn. SOOO scary! I hate heights and I have huge feet so I wasn't sure I could balance my entire body on some little rock thingy.

I went up about 10-15 feet and then I was stuck and my ankles were hurting so I was done, ha. At least I tried and it was fun.

It was such a fun day, I really loved it. We did a zip line and Kale did something called a leap of faith where you jump off a platform and aim for this ring. He got the ring, yay, way to go Kale! We had Costa Vida and there was a guest speaker but we headed home because it was such a long drive. Sophie did great with the babysitter. She is super nice, kind of quiet, but really mature and great with kids. She said Sophie didn't even cry and slept really well. We were relieved she did ok.

We took Sophie to nursery the next day and she was terrified. I feel like we have taken like ten steps backwards. We talked a lot about things and decided that for right now daycare wasn't the best idea. I called them on Monday and they said "we can't have a child who isn't going to adjust" when I told them we didn't want to continue bringing her anymore. It kind of bugged me. Oh well.

That next week Sophie was super fussy. She was getting her molars and then I think she is just a bit traumatized about everything! It was a hard week. Luckily I had a lot of time off that week so we could just hang out. I love hanging out with Sophie, she is such a sweet girl and I love her so much!